My Orthodontist is the Devil in Disguise

What can I say? When I run out of things to do, I get new ideas... usually in the form of writing ideas. And you, as my devoted readers (or people who used to be my devoted readers as the case may be) may be the victims, that is, recipients, of this brilliant (?) new idea.

While sometimes time eludes me to write about the profundities that I've discovered (I actually do have some of those, they just take longer to write... I have one about Jeremiah sitting in my 'drafts' folder) I ALWAYS have short stories about life going.

So, I introduce a new feature of my blog: True, Sort-of-True, Not Remotely True and Embellished Stories about Life. I'll let you judge which stories are which.

Without further ado:

My Orthodontist is the Devil in Disguise

So, I've had braces for almost the 18-month slot they allotted me (and if I have to go a day over, I think I will go mad and turn into a werewolf or something)

Let me tell you a little bit about my braces experience:

1. I HATE THEM. I'll tell you that they're not that bad, and they're really not, but I still hate them. It's not so much the braces themselves but rather what I discuss later...

2. I have TMJ. Which means that my jaw clicks and pops and gets stuck sometimes. With braces, it clicks and pops and gets stuck often.

3. I am a rule keeper as it comes to a lot of things. I got this nine-page long braces care sheet when I first got them on and on that nine-page long list sheet was this million-item list titled:

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT EAT WITH BRACES

So I didn't eat the stuff on there.

4. My friends aren't really rule keepers. They saw THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT EAT WITH BRACES and read it as THINGS THAT YOUR ORTHODONTIST WOULDN'T LIKE YOU TO EAT WITH BRACES BUT YOU CAN STILL EAT THEM ANYWAY.

5. Let's take an inventory of broken brackets my friends have had: 0. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

6. How about me? Three top wires broken in the same spot. One bottom wire broken. Three brackets broken. Five wires slid out of place.

7. My orthodontist's reaction: Picture the Incredible Hulk. Yup. That's pretty much it.

So, despite the broken wires, brackets and other crazy stuff, I am really really really really really really really really hoping to get my braces off in September like we originally thought. I was going to ask yesterday, but then I got the grumpy lady.

Grumpy Lady took out my wires, ties, and checked my brackets. She was scraping one tooth when her "hand slipped" (though I have my suspicions that she was really some assassin lady who was trying to take me out then and there) and poked my gum hard enough that I bled.. A lance of pain swept down my mouth. Not a great way to start out an appointment.

I was supposed to have a bracket replaced, but they had ran out of that kind. However, apparently my orthodontist (who is really the devil in disguise) has a thing for broken brackets. So, instead of letting me off the hook and going home after my thirty-minute appointment, he gives an evil chuckle to the Grumpy Lady who was really an assassin and said, "Let's give her some new brackets." So, they put brackets on those teeth in the WAY back of your mouth (the ones you can't even see... let alone try to put brackets on)

Oh, and did I mention they had to put a plastic mouth-holder-open in my mouth? That could be the subject of a whole other blog. It's the devil's choice instrument.

So, my orthodontist (who is really the devil in disguise) says to the Grumpy Lady who is really an assassin, "Sneeheeheehee, I don't think I really like the way her front teeth are closing up- LET'S REPLACE THOSE BRACKETS TOO!!!!!!!!!"

And I'm going to end that story there. I wouldn't want to make your mouths ache out of sympathetic agony.

But my dentist experience made me think. As the dentist was taking my mouth apart with a screwdriver, I was left thinking about James, "Consider it pure joy, brethren, when you face trials of various kinds...." I ended up having a nice time with God there, praying (though, I will confess the first part of the prayer was, "MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!"

The other thing was, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." Sigh..... I guess that means no bragging rights about how I don't eat anything on the THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT EAT WITH BRACES list.

The other thing was, "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Maybe I'll try that next time I go to see my orthodontist. Shut my mouth at all costs and see if he runs.