"Alone"

"Alone" by Edgar Allan Poe
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were - I have not seen
As others saw - I could not bring
My passions from a common spring -
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow - I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone -
And all I lov'd - I lov'd alone -
Then - in my childhood - in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still -
From the torrent, or the fountain -
From the red cliff of the mountain -
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold -
From the lightning of the sky
As it pass'd me flying by -
From the thunder, and the storm-
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view -

I am sometimes moved to tears by this poem. I am analyzing poetry for my college and writers guild studies and though I have only just read this poem for this assignment, I am continually touched by the loneliness Mr. Poe felt. How sad to perish alone without ever feeling the love he desperately wanted.

This is exactly why I want to be a great communicator. Because I don't want to be alone, but draw my passions from a common spring. But more than that, because I don't want others to call into an abyss and hear only the echo of their own voice. I want to be a part of that still small voice that whispers, "I know you. I made you." It makes me sad to think that some of the most brilliant and wanting minds died out loving alone and only loving what would bring them loneliness, when there was a God who was willing to fill them with love waiting the whole time.

The sad thing is that there are Poes all around us, disguised as ordinary people. I think about how many people I've brushed off, saying they're not worth my time. But the truth of the matter is that the ordinary people are the ones we're called to reach. We often read about Jesus among the lepers or healing the blind, those exotic conditions that capture our imagination, but Jesus was most often among the ordinary, forgotten people who are just as lonely and oppressed as the traditional missionary audiences we think of.

Can you learn to reach out and love like Jesus loved? The answer is, simply, no. But can you learn to surrender to God's calling and love as much as you can, with his help? Absolutely.

2 Peter 1:5a,7-8: But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your... godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness, love. If these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren, nor unfruitful, in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

My First Ever Blog Award

My first ever blog award! Hugs and cookies to Judi for giving it to me :)




I award for their amazing awesome blogging and personal character:

My mother at Adoptyuen
Kylie at His Beautiful Love
Art at Think Outside the Globe
Jocelberry at The Jocelberry Patch
Aunty at The Schneider Web.

Hope you appreciate the award! Thanks for being so awesome!

Lead the Escape

I watched the evening program for the CFC conference a few days ago. My mind is still caught up in the many short moments of it, my heart still frantically attached to the words I heard. I watched the speakers, heard the message, and thought, I will never reach that place.

And, at the same time, it's the only place I want to be.

Someone once told me, Why not aim for the moon, because if we fail, won't we hit a star?

I want to hit a star in my communication. I want to be one who, whether or not I lead the perfect escape, manages to somehow touch someone in the process.

And though I may miss the moon, at least I will hit the stars.

I see that it is impossible to be all that I need to be. But, somehow, it's all right, because while I may never reach that place, it is the only place I want to go. And when I only aim for places I know I can go, how will I ever know if I could have gone to a place that I actually wanted to?

If I attempt the impossible, maybe I'll be surprised.

I hope that a few days or a hundred years down this road, I will look up and see that I am at that place I thought I'd never attain. I know that I won't see the road along the way, because where's the faith and adventure in that? When one leaps for the stars, all that they can see is the darkness all around them.

But whether I look up and my feet are on the moon, or I fall onto a star, I know that I will have found the place I want to be. And who dares tell me it is impossible?

Call You Through the Noise

I am the sound of rushing water
I am the sound of foggy skies
I am the wind that knows your heart
Pain which makes one curse and die

I am the feeling, cold sensation
That creeps your spine in cold, dark fright
Finding grace among the nations
Sings your heart to sleep at night

I am the dove that lands like fire
I am the water's holy blood
I am the helper and provider
I am the one who stops the flood

I am the one you call your shepherd
You are the sheep who hear my voice
I am Eternal Holy Father
And I will call you through the noise.

Humility

I have struggled with a balance between pride and false humility for years. But recently, I had a wake-up call that opened my eyes to embracing my inner ridiculousness, and becoming a person of true humility.

It's called: my family. There is no way to be the oldest of five kids and still have dignity. To show you exactly what I mean:

My family name has a meaning that my dad denies (he hasn't yet embraced his inner ridiculousness). He claims it means "spherical" (my mom says, "corpulent"). My dad says it means, 'wealth'.

It doesn't. I researched it. And that's NOT what it means.

It means, 'gibbon'.

A gibbon is a monkey.

My full name means "pure light monkeys".

Truth is truly stranger than fiction.

My family settled on a compromise.

We are now the Rich Round Monkeys.

Love always,
Catey the Rich Round Monkey Woman

Proof...

... that I really am a nerd:

I have a superb reading word per minute!

Average reading speed is 150-400 wpm.

My initial reading speed is 650 wpm.

Less than 5% of North Americans have a wpm over 400.

After taking a speed reading course, my wpm is now 1060 per 45 seconds.

With comprehension.

And I'm so happy.

I am such a nerd.