Behold, I will do something new,
Now it will spring forth;
Will you not be aware of it?
I will even make a roadway in the wilderness,
Rivers in the desert.
Do not seek the because - in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation...
I wear a torn place on my sleeve.
It isn't as simple as that.
A thief
rip
rrrrrip
breath
out
blood
in
my
mouth
in my hands
nails
in my hands
darkpainbloodblackingoutheartbeat
rip
rrrrrip
breath
out
i am not afraid to die
just let me die now
throw me in an unmarked grave like the rest
rest
i need rest
no one will remember my name
to be honest, i'm glad. i'm not a good person
blacking out again
rip
rrrrrip
breath
out
memory and other things i don't need
sound and other things i don't want
beside me another forgotten
forgetful
what am i called again?
a thief?
a murderer?
a man?
there's another one beside me, wetting
me with his
black black black no air
rip
rrrrrip
breath
out
words
words
i have no use for words
why are you speaking
you foolish
what do they call you?
i don't even remember my name
let alone who you are
ogodogodogod letmedienowpleaseletmedie
rip
rrrrrip
breath
out
you are a fool
my brother
you are a fool
do you remember what you did to end up here?
i don't.
yes i do.
i can see the faces
don't you remember too, my brother?
and the one
the one in the center center center i can't
rip
rrrrrip
breath
out
i ask nothing of you
i have nothing i can ask you for
you who chose this
bloodbreathsourwineburningbloodbloodblood
i did not choose it
i do not regret it
what else could have been done me?
i would bow before you
but all i can do is struggle against these
nailsnailsnails
to say
rip
rrrrrip
breath
out
o LORD
remember me
when YOU
enter
YOUR
KINGDOM
for i will never see you again
but you will judge my soul
stretching up trying to
breatheagainstnails
will i ever
see
you
again
.
.
.
out
Paradise finds its existence.
(to be continued)
(Isaiah 43:19, Anais Nin's Henry and June, and W.S. Merwin's The Nails provide the epigraph.)
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