I never thought I would pen these words, but it is true:
My orthodontist, he, the Devil in Disguise, is back and out for my blood.
As you, my faithful readers, will remember, I have now had my braces off for 183 days (not that I've been counting or anything). And, I have had exactly three occasions to go back into the orthodontist's office since then (and, yes, I have been counting those).
My orthodontist had finally succumbed to the power of prayer. The devil was vanquished, and I was walking in freedom of deliverence. In my exactly three appointments since 183 days ago, I haven't even seen the glint of a fang, horn or tail.
Until yesterday.
Yesterday was my 6 month (a month late) retainer check. Last week, I'd come in and taken impressions again (the lady did not know what she was doing. I had impression goo all over my body when I left the office and my saliva tasted like impression goo- a taste which, by the way, is remarkably similar to that of some kind of exotic poison- for about five days after). I'll pick up the story after my literally twenty-minute wait in the Torture Chair:
Devil in Disguise: So... keeping them clean... wearing them every night... *to Assassin lady* She's a tough one... what do I do to her now?
Assassin lady: *nudge, nudge* Impressions?
DiD: Already did those. Twice.
AL: Ooh! New retainer!
DiD: *evil, Bowler-hat-guy-esque chuckle* Oh yes. *plasters grin on* I'm going to give you a new retainer for you to wear until you die. It's made of frog guts and cement. It will make your teeth hurt like you have braces again, and is so thick and heavy that you won't be able to sleep with your mouth shut. Because of this, you will develop an outrageous sore throat and jaw problems you can't even imagine! Any questions?
Moral of the story: Once they let you out of the Devil's office, don't go back in.
